Saturday, February 02, 2008

Neon Maniacs

I don't know how this one happened to find its way onto my Netflix list, but I'm glad it did. Neon Maniacs is a gem of an 80s movie about killer monsters that live underneath the Golden Gate Bridge but only recently and start slaughtering people. As usual, it's up to a bunch of teens to try and convince the authorities that they aren't making shit up and that there really are things that go bump in the night and they look and act like they might be based on some deranged GI Joe figures. Apparently there are twelve of them but you only realy see the same handful again and again and nobody knows where they came from, just that they kill shit dead.

It starts out benignly enough, with a bunch of teens partying in the park and they start to frolic as teens are wont to do and one of them even gets a bj from chick with a mullet, the lucky devil. They don't seem to notice the Neon Maniacs, who in additon to being ninjas aren't even neon, as they sneak up on the teens and murder them. Of course a few decide to try and fight back but that ends quickly and before the last girl can be killed, the maniacs are driven off by thunder. The cops don't believe the girl's story and they send her home where she's alone and stalked by one of the maniacs that looks like a goofy-ass caveman. Nothing happens from that even though she's going for a night swim to ease her mind. Yes, because after seeing all your friends murdered, a nice swim is a great way to cap off the night. I think I would have had the cops lock my ass up or post a guard or something. Maybe stay over a friend's house. Anything to not be alone and also to build up the body count.

Anyway, the girl is not alone in her quest to convince people that weird stuff is happening as the grocer's son and an amateur film director girl discover the truth as well as their paths intertwine in a pretty bizarre movie. It's worth seeing for the maniacs, who have some decent makeup though their personalities are basically based on their weapons. There's Tonto, the Village People reject; Samurai, the...well...samurai; Ropeman, who uses a noose; Surgeon, who carries a doctor's bag and several more. This movie has also captured my heart for having a costume dance/battle of the bands where a man dressed as Mr. Miracle appears. That's a pretty odd choice and I did a double-take. In terms of superheroes appearing in a movie, that was quite a surprise.

There's almost nil on the nudity, some decent gore and good makeup effects and the acting isn't too stilted so it does hold it's head above some of the lesser entries in the 80s horror field. If you can find it, check it out. I don't think you'll be disappointed if you go in with low expectations. Just be warned--I think they stole the score from Moonlighting as it has little to do with a horror movie unless it was staged in an Eddie Murphy video.

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