Sunday, March 04, 2007

Killing Christmas

No, I'm not talking about the holiday. I'm pretty sure that's unkillable. I'm talking about the Black Christmas remake that I just watched. You know, you'd think it would be a slam dunk to make a remake of such a groundbreaking film. I mean, the original had everything you needed to sell a flick, with a dark atmosphere, competent leads and a decent plot. Verily, it was the prototypical slasher movie, what with the POV shots of the killer that may have been stripped from the giallo. To update it, one should only have to modernize the "killer in the house" reveal that took place by tracing a phone call. Even in the age of caller id and cell phones, they probably could have used a GPS trace or maybe make it IMs or VOIP and someone has to do an IP trace. The characters could stay the same, same with the plot.

No, that's not what happened. Instead, we got a half-assed remake that tries to cash in on the name and story of the original while cribbing from Halloween. The identity of the killer in the original is quite a mystery. In this one, it's just about hammered into your face again and again and we're presented also with an escaped killer who used to live in the house as well, who tries to go home every Christmas and manages to escape this time. The girls are vapid but pretty and we don't end up feeling for anyone. Indeed, the survivor at the end had me trying to figure out why I should even care that she lived. The whole movie is just a setup for Christmas-themed deaths and several shots that capitalize off of scenes from the original, namely the bag death and the shot of the killer's eye, ramming them into the ground and defeating the point of the scenes in the first place.

There are better films out there to waste your time with, and if you want to see a good Xmas slasher film, rent the original. Lacey Chabert and Michelle Tractenberg can't save this film. Indeed, only fire could save this film at all. Ugh.

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